i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
