...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
