birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
