You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
