umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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