Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
