I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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