Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
