positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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