Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
