Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
