u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
