just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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