You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
