I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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