brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
