My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
