I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
