Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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