don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
