3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
