if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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