I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
