Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you win again, gameday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
