I think my fart just growled at me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
