Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have aggressive nipples.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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