Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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