My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
