I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
