apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
