i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
