I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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