Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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