I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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