life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The air taste purple.
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