yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
