i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
