Non-Jews are for practice
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
