Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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