the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
