i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
