If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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