i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
