his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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