She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
