what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
