This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
