smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
