didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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