Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
