he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
