Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
