new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
